To help mothers who may be struggling with issues during Ramadan and who may be feeling anxious about their heavy burdens and ability to reap the benefits of this blessed month, this series will go into detail about common issues mothers face, answer some important questions, as well as provide solutions for these issues, in shaa allah.
The countdown to Ramadan has begun, and with that excitement and anticipation fill the air. Islamic reminders and beneficial lectures on Ramadan are shared everywhere. Many people around us are expressing their joy and maybe even sharing their plans on how they will benefit from Ramadan and do better than the previous years. In the midst of all that, the busy mum also starts off feeling excited about Ramadan but slowly and gradually she starts to lose it. Instead of excitement and anticipation she can start to feel left out, fear of failure, weak, tired and just basically down.
Before getting into the reasons for this, let me explain why I am talking about mothers in particular. Mothers especially those with young children live in a very different world than other Muslims. First of all their time is NOT theirs to plan. It doesn’t matter how many time management lectures she listens to, she knows at the end of the day she is not the one calling the shots. Everyone in the house depends on her. She is always in demand and to even pray her 5 daily prayers on time is a struggle. She lives in a continuous state of mental and physical exhaustion that only she can comprehend. It gets worse if she is single, has no family around, has a child with disability, has people around who don’t understand her struggle…etc.
So why do mothers in particular feel so left out with Ramadan around the corner? Here are some of the main reasons:
Our scholars don’t talk to us.
If you listen to a lecture about Ramadan you will hear advice upon advice about the things you should do and you know as well as I do that you’ll be lucky to even do 20% of them. You can listen to a 2 hour lecture and if you’re really lucky you’ll hear 2 min advice to mothers in particular.
There is so much to do.
A lot of the talk about preparing for Ramadan and succeeding in Ramadan is about the amount of STUFF you have to do on a daily basis. This is a major issue for everyone. For mothers it’s worse because it’s painful not being able to do it. It’s not that you don’t want to, but simply there are not enough hours in the day or night to allow you to do it. The quantity of stuff you do should NEVER be the criteria of having a successful Ramadan or not, which we will discuss in Part II.
The belittling of a mother’s role.
This is a very sad state of affairs but unfortunately it’s true. Unless you are a wife, mother and career maker all wrapped up in one then basically you are sitting around all day doing nothing. This mentality has helped destroy mother’s self-esteem, enjoyment of their role and their role itself. Mothers get to feel guilty for doing the job that no one else in the world can do but them. The job that is their main responsibility they will be asked about on the Day of Judgement. So if that is already the surrounding atmosphere, what about Ramadan when mothers can end up feeling heaps of more pressure. Why can’t she be a mother, run around all day doing endless tasks, spend the night in prayer, read Quran all day… the list seems endless.
Why is this important and Why should we care about this so much?
Some may argue it’s just a temporary stage in a woman’s life and then things will go back to normal again. Well, actually it’s not that simple. First of all, once a mother always a mother and the struggle never truly ends. You can never go back to pre-motherhood carefree lifestyle.
The damage it causes if not dealt with can last a lifetime.
It can make a mother feel that no matter what she does she is too far. She can never get closer to Allah again like she used to. She can never improve on herself. It leaves her always in survival mode. At the end of the day, the damage is deep and her heart can slowly become somewhat dead inside.
Worship is important.
Following the sunnah is paramount. Striving to be like the sahaba in their worship is the ultimate goal. Baraka from Allah in our time is a gift and definitely with it we can achieve things we thought impossible. But with all that we also need to be realistic, we need to be understanding, we need to make people feel there is hope for them. Not that there is only one way to benefit from Ramadan and if you can’t do that then you’re out.
So how does a mother prepare for Ramadan and get rid of any negative feelings she may be suffering from?
This will be answered in the next part of the series, so stay tuned in shaa allah.
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About the Author
Halah is the founder of The Hearts of Light and mother to three beautiful children, masha allah. When she is not mothering or making beautifully inspirational creations, she enjoys writing to inspire sisters.
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