You captured my heart with when I first felt your little patters, I cradled my tummy as you rolled to and fro, I was amazed as I felt you grow. When it was time, they say you were late but according to Allah, you were right on time. I trembled as I made my way, praying for you to arrive safe and healthy. In shaa Allah I will never forget the moment I heard your plea and your fragile fingers grasped my eager hands. We reached for each other, the most loving of embraces. I cried tears of laughter, overwhelmed by being so in love just a short while, after just meeting you for the first time.
Even after 10 long hours and laboring into the early morning hours, they brought you to me and I cradled you. I softly caressed your sweet sleepy face and sang to you the Fatihah, and made dua that Allah would always protect you, guide you, provide for you, forgive you. I prayed, and still do, that Allah would inspire you to love Him more than anything or anyone in this life, to fear Him only, to trust in Him. That you will be gentle, modest, kind and strong in imaan, that you will have the best things of this life and the next.
My little love, how I love to watch you grow. It has been just over a year since we met and already, you have filled my heart. There are so many moments that I want to hold on to, ones that I promised myself I would never forget but they have left too soon, maybe to visit again or maybe not.
I do remember how much you loved for me to hold you in my arms and sing to you, you were so content as long as you felt my warmth. You have always wanted to move, and we would laugh as we watched you silently kick your strong determined legs out of the bundle you were wrapped in. You were such a quiet little love, you slept through the night and were so easy to please, and it was a rarity that you cried in discontentment and when you did, hugs, kisses and a little nourishment always made you happy again.
You were, and still are, the most curious and contemplative of babies. Your observance has always left me in awe, as you look around seemingly absorbing, thinking, remembering. You were never the type of baby who was filled with goo’s and gaa’s but rather, your little eyes seemed so determined to learn and know the world, to understand and to experience.
Your first laugh made my tummy drop and my heart skip a beat, silence and then shriek, the oddest of sounds. Your first smile was so bright, your first giggles so full of life. Now you laugh and smile and play, and do silly things that always make my day. When you first learned you could make me laugh, it was at lunch time and you squinted your little eyes and scrunched your little face, just to pop them open with joy and see me smile and listen to my laughter, masha allah little one, how I love to watch you grow.
Your first real food was carrots, and your favorites were apples and sweet potatoes, and now your independence is overwhelming and you stubbornly feed yourself. Now you love bread and cookies and fruits of all sorts. You have a love for pizza and get excited when you recognize the box. Your favorite meal time game is excitedly tossing food onto the floor and watching where it lands, just to laugh as I bend to pick it up and a piece lands in my hair. You rub bananas and tomato sauce in your wispy little hair, and prop your little chunky foot on your tray as you eat while making silly sounds and faces as you enjoy your tasty treats.
Your first utterance was mum, when you were feeling sad but your first true word was Jappa, our fluffy bear cat. Now you say mum mum and daa, and enthusiastically point and ask whats dat. You say naa when you really don’t want something, and top when you have had enough, and dide when your ready to go outside. You understand when I say your favorite things and will grab and push around the ball, and you know where your belly is and that your hair is on top of your head. You can point out our nose and mouth, and our eyes with a little growl. I listen to you as you babble in your own baby language with serious conviction.
My favorite of all things, I say Alhamdulillah and you look back and say lah, masha allah! Your intelligence is amazing, such a miracle to see, my little love. I pray that you will grow to teach the world about many good things, that your joy will spread smiles to the faces of many and your energy will inspire positivity and growth.
I cherish the moments I can hold you in my arms, or rock you to sleep because it doesn’t happen often, I steal hugs whenever I can before having to let you go. My once quiet little bundle is a ball of spontaneous fluff. You try to run instead of walk, climb and twist and tumble. You flop around soft pillows and play peek a boo with the sheets, you love playing so much that it is hard for you to sleep.
We have little adventures and you love to see new things, when we go to the park you sit on my lap and coo as we enjoy the swings. You run and tumble and stop to look at everything, and with each few steps you plop down to grab handfuls of grass to carry until you see something else, you go every which way to see this and that, you can never see enough, so ambitious you are, my little love.
My mind is just full of things I want to say, I can never get enough. Of your love, your hugs, your sloppy kisses and your funny little ways. You love to dance and bop around and sing to your own tune, I love your little personality even though you have a slight attitude. I kiss your little toes and rub your soft belly, I drink your smiles and feel satiated from your laughs.
Maybe these things seem silly, but to me it means the world. In shaa Allah one day you will understand how amazing it is to watch a little life grow, to mold it and shape it, protect it and love it. Hug and kiss and squeeze. I miss you already, the bitty baby you once were but I love you increasingly as your will grows stronger and your personality shapes itself, I pray so much for you, more so than myself.
This is a natural thing, to love you oh so much. Just remember, my sweet little love, that no matter how much I love you Allah loves you many times as much.
About the Author
Vanessa is a revert Muslima, mother to sweet and goofy baby Nyeema, student of many disciplines, writer, and an aspiring creative entrepreneur. She is the founder of Me Muslima, which was inspired by amasses of intelligent and passionate sisters who have dedicated their lives to please Allah while teaching and inspiring others. You can find her being creative with the ummah at her Etsy shop, Simple and Vanessa.