My internet has been out at home for nearly a week, hindering my ability to get much work done. My just over one love is suffering through her first real cold since being born making her sleep restless and her usual smiling-self cranky and temperamental. I have two papers due in four hours, along with a few other school related tasks that are late. It was with some struggles that the dishes got done and the house got sort of straightened, and here we are reaching the night hours and dinner hasn’t even been made. I am supposed to launch my business website tomorrow and I have had no time to dedicate to it. Nothing got posted to the blog this week, and all my plans of redesign and creativity have been buried underneath so many other tasks.
I am over it, I have had enough.
I sat in front of my computer staring at what should be a paper for my university leadership course. I was irritated and foggy minded, the screen was fuzzy and my brain was just telling me I had enough. Complaints were swirling around my mind, one after the other. I was grouchy. I didn’t feel like doing this. I would rather be designing something or promoting my new business or doing something, anything. The pressure was building up and I felt as if my brain very well may implode.
So I took a step away.
I grabbed a book I have been reading bit of here and there, Reclaim Your Heart, and decided to lay back and collect myself. In just two short chapters, tears were streaming down my face and all of my stress, anxiety and anger dissipated. I felt so selfish, as I recalled the things, the smallest and most insignificant matters, I was so frustrated over.
Instead of using the week to write, read and get closer to Allah I remained distracted and frustrated. Instead of being thankful that this is the first illness my little baby has suffered since being born, I felt a tad bit annoyed when she had no appetite to eat and kept waking in the middle of the night. Instead of being overjoyed at the chance of education, I once again chose to leave my obligations to the very last minute and resent them. Instead of being grateful for having dinner and thanking Allah for the abundant blessing of food, I was griping because it wasn’t prepared yet.
Instead of being thankful that I have a business, that I have creativity, that I have this means and opportunity to support my family I have been overwhelmed by the very work that is making the expansion to a blog and website possible. Instead of feeling blessed to have such loving support of sisters willing to share their talent and passions with Me Muslima, I was overlooking inspiration and love.
Why am I complaining again?
My point here is not to burden you with my complaints, it is really a reminder to myself and to you dear sisters that this life is temporary. In one blink, all that seems to matter so much can be gone, these things we burden ourselves with matter not. We all tend to get so attached to these things that we fail to see the bigger picture. The purpose of our life is only to strive for the next.
The more we attach ourselves to things that are temporary, the more stress and unrest we will feel. How can we love these things so much that we allow it to distract us from the only, the one and only, thing in this entire world, universe, and existence that is permanent? Instead of pulling ourselves towards this life and its distractions we should be pushing towards Allah, the ever-lasting. Everything was made to die, things aren’t meant to last forever.
Alhamdulillah. Think of the magnitude of this. Allah tells us He knows us better than we know ourselves. He is closer to us than our jugular veins, the lifeline to our hearts. So why am I complaining again? And, why do we, continue to reach further away rather than choosing to embrace something closer?
It has been awhile since I have written an article for Me Muslima, since I have really written at all. I have found myself so wrapped up in my daily obligations that I have been neglecting myself spiritually, emotionally and physically. I allowed the world to devour my heart, instead of filling it with love, hope and the promises of permanent happiness.
For a short while, I lost Allah.
But subhan Allah, He never lost me. He knew where I would be and that I would be writing this. He knew the powerful emotions I would feel when reading the chapters in this book, the words that moved me past the road block called dunya. He knows how you feel reading this and about the difficulties you may be facing, and what will verily bring you comfort and free you from these things.
Because Allah is all-knowing.
Now take a deep breath and hold it. Think of everything that is making you feel depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated. No breath out, feel your muscles relax and your mind ease. Very sincerely, with a free heart and an open mind recite this dua:
“I seek refuge in the light of Your Face by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set straight.”
Now smile and say Ameen. Remember that Allah is always with you, no matter how far you tend to stray. Remember that when you feel that there is no one, Allah is all you will ever need. Remember when you feel hurt, or pain to seek help through patience and prayer, for Allah is with those who patiently persevere [Quran].
Praying you will benefit.
About the Author
Vanessa is a revert Muslima striving and struggling to be the best Muslimah she can be. She is the founder of Me Muslima, a writer, chocolate and caffeine lover, blog designer at Hi and Hello Co and is a student of many disciplines. When she is not bouncing around with her energetic and beautiful just over two, she is trying her best to find ways to inspire others, in shaa Allah.